Ken... What to say about ken.... the closest i have ever come to bliss in a relationship. I met him senior year, at a party a guy in band (whom i detested) was throwing, he and ken had been roomates soph. year. Since i hated the host, i started drinking. Ken came up to me and i thought, "Is this gorgeous man coming up to talk to me? Nah... no way."
But he did. At first, i didn'tthink much more of him except that he was much cuter than most guys that hit on me. He walked me home, and i gave him a little kiss that night.
He called me a few days later. And more and more. He was very very persistent, which i grew to love. Finally i agreed to go out with him. It was very nice, but i still wasn't sure. Then, one night after a party he came by my house. He was drunk, but very sweet. We talked in my room for a long time, and eventually got to the point where he had to say "I don't really want to be a dad right now." It was great! I was soon to find out that that simple encounter was the time he lost his virginity.
Now, I have deflowered virgins before, but i couldn't believe that this handsome, fit, smart, funny sweet guy with the great smile and the body of a guy that was captain of a swim team not too long ago. He told me the dumbest jokes, which i loved. He was ok with my orgasm problems, and very helpful in helping me to accept my rape in soph year at (name withheld). He did nice things for me completely spontaneously (left little trinkets on my bed to find when i got home from class). I'd never felt so much for anyone in my heart. Within weeks, we both knew it was "love." I suspect for both of us, in some way, we still are in love and always will be.
He got me into wonderful worlds like punk and ska, and for the first time, i loved my music so much i broadcast it. He brought out the best in me.
When we were together, i was unstoppable. I had the strength to pull it together and get into all the grad schools i applied to, graduate, and get things together. I was flying high. And he was prepared to do anything to be with me. He actually dug ditches! We drove down together, and it was 20 hours of tension, with a night or two of mad passion in between.
He loved cassie, and she loved him. Possibly more than anyone she has ever loved. Her Dad. We were quite the little family.
But then i started thinking of the future. Ken seemed happy to get by on the bare minimum, now that he was stably in place. Not with me, but with himself. He took a third shif QA job in the salt mines outside of town. I never got to sleep beside him anymore. And when we were home, he would watch things like Nascar. Our schedules were so far out of synch, there was almost never time to make love. I went back north to interview, and an old rival if his put the moves on me. It got me wondering, was i ready to just be with this one guy forever? I mean, it wasn't that he wouldn't be the perfect husband, or even the perfect house husband that i would prefer. It was that i wasn't done having fun and meeting people.
So I left.
Since then, I have been meeting lots of people. Lucky me. But it rarely amounts to much more... All my relationships since then have crumbled miserably after less that 5 months, with few exceptions. Even the two engagements i had were disastrous. Yes, you read that right, not one, two.
A few short term ones soon after we decided to "see other people," he decided he couldn't. A few months later, we both missed eachother so much that i flew down. It didn't work, because of third parties, but it was nice.
After i got back from the hospital, i called him to tell him again that i needed him, and we were made for eachother. He told me no more, that he couldn't stand it.
I haven't seen him since... but a day doesn't go by when i don't hope to.